Two Sides of a Coin
In choosing this card you are being asked to be aware of the hidden side of any behaviour. Either you shine the light or someone else is holding the lamp lighting the path out of the darkness.
Heads and tails: The two sides of any coin are hidden from each other. Yet one could not exist without the other. Back to back each side is bonded to the other. Looking out each side is a different face of the same thing. The two sides of a coin, the light and the dark balance each other and combine to make a whole. You and your relationships are like this coin with the dual aspects of light and dark joining together and dancing the spiritual tango that is your life.
Heads: You are filled with light, love and generosity. You are a friend beyond peer, helpful, understanding, a loving person who is open, intimate, gives love unconditionally to themselves and others. There are many qualities that sit in the light of this side of the coin: generosity, love, kindness, empathy, compassion, trust, open-mindedness, cheerfulness and talent are just some.
Tails: The list of qualities that sit on the opposite dark side of the coin is equally impressive. You may be highly fearful, irrationally worried, manip-ulative, competitive, self-focused, controlling, passive, aggressive, highly emotional, bullying, impatient, a victim, addicted to drama, blaming others for what you have experienced, irresponsible, dependent, abrupt in manner, and so on.
We possess all that is within the dual aspects of heads and tails. These two sides of a coin represent our spiritual life. The dark and the light are necessary to balance each other. A beautifully danced tango requires the two dancing bodies to move with equilibrium. The partnership is balanced to create the smooth elegance, ease and flow of the masterful dance. Our spiritual life requires the same balancing act in which the dark and the light work together to create spiritual growth and flow.
Balancing the dark and the light requires awareness and yet most people are not conscious of their dark side because they are unwilling to see themselves as imperfect. Girls programmed in early childhood are taught that prettiness and kindness are valued. Conversely, boys are taught that strength is valued while the expression of anger, vulnerability (weakness) or other ‘dark’ emotions are discouraged. And so we grow to hide these very natural parts of ourselves, internally judging and denying that they exist. Our rejection of these perceived ‘imperfections’ means we never learn their value in setting our boundaries and learning emotional skills.
A first step in awareness is to understand that dark-side behaviours are not deliberate. They are often learned responses usually occurring when one compensates for the lack of emotional skills in dealing with a person or event that challenges one’s sense of self. This challenging person or event highlights the set of self-beliefs that create your sense of self (the core of you). When the boundaries of those beliefs are crossed the sense of self may feel threatened or unsafe. Lacking the emotional skills to deal with this boundary breach (and threat to self ) a person experiences powerful emotions such as addiction to drama, sadness, feeling sorry for oneself, powerlessness and hopelessness. These feelings can be expressed through behaviours that become habitual, automatic and therefore normal and out of sight. The behaviours can be diverse, such as shopping, smoking or eating, gambling, drinking or being argumentative, blaming, shouting, playing victim and bullying and they all enable one to offload the heavy feeling inside. At the core is the need to rebalance feelings of lack around self-love.
In choosing this card you have identified that the point of contact between you and another individual is linked through dark-side behaviour. One of you is shining the light and the other is operating from their fears. In some cases people move from intense love for their partner to intense hate. You may be uncertain or worried about how to deal with someone who is expressing their dark side; you wonder, ‘Do I tell them or avoid them?’ Or perhaps events have escalated and both of you have now been triggered into your own dark side with all its anger, depression or fears and the attendant behaviours. Perhaps this card indicates you have been asked to shine a light for them to show them a new way of being.
Your own behaviours and beliefs hidden from your own eyes means the other person’s motivations and behaviours are not clearly perceived. Your interpretation may be a reflection of your own fear of loss. This card may be asking you to shine a light of awareness on this fear in order to find balance and flow. It’s time to release the parts of you that are holding you back from love. In choosing this card you are being asked to be aware of the hidden side of any behaviour. Either you shine the light for yourself or recognise that someone else is holding the lamp lighting the path for you to move out of the darkness.
The light of awareness happens when you are able to see that these hidden aspects of self (yours or another person’s) have control over you. Recognising the two sides of your coin will enable you to release their control over you and create emotional balance. You will stop blaming others for their behaviours. You will be able to look at how your hidden side created this experience. Look at this hidden side as a gift of freedom from behaviours, thoughts and feelings that no longer serve you. The change you seek is the acceptance of that side of the coin that you judge and therefore keep hidden.
Our humanity comes when we embrace those parts of ourselves that we judge as imperfect. Your purpose here is not to be perfect but to understand the perfection in your journey. Your imperfection and learning how to deal with it is your contribution to others as theirs is to you. Love what you struggle to understand within yourself in order to join the two sides of the coin together.
Recognise your strengths: Your light side is there to heal the dark.
