Your Energy is Not fully Aligned with This Person’s (It’s All in Perfection)

Your Higher Self has asked this person to participate in your life to help you find yourself. Acknowledge and appreciate the role they play for you as you play this role for them. Together you can find and connect to what is true within.

You are questioning the role of a person, friend, partner or colleague in your life. You may be starting a new relationship with this person, or you are currently in a partnership and questioning the wisdom of your commitment to this person or whether you should establish a deeper commitment. Synergy exists between you. However, you are feeling frustrated and are unclear of how the other person fits into the bigger picture of your life.

Relationships are formed on the basis of emotional needs and compatibilities. Most people focus on the compatibility aspect of relationships, such as shared values, friends, family, profession, sexual chemistry or financial success. However, the bedrock of any relationship is emotional need. Compatibilities are important but they are secondary to emotional needs. If you have desires in your relationship that are not being met it is likely you have identified an area of emotional need that has greater value for you right now than the compatibility that currently exists between you. In fact, your emotional foundation is being rebuilt through your interaction with this person without you being aware of this.

So what are you doing together? What is the point of contact (POC) between you? A POC connects individuals in any interaction. The con-necting point is a common interest, project or lesson with a theme such as judgement, respect, listening, being aware, considerate, and so on. People are attracted to each other in order to learn exactly the same lesson and will continue to attract the same type of person to partner in either personal or professional relationships until they have understood the purpose of the emotional need. An example of this might be that you find you always become frustrated in your relationships because your partners always seem to need help. You end up always feeling like you need to rescue them. At first the relationship works because you have the resources to contribute. With time, however, their need seems to increase rather than decrease. There is an emotional need between you that is being met. One enjoys being taken care of and the other is more comfortable in their role of being the one who cares for the other. If you’ve chosen this card you are now ready to form a relationship that grows beyond this mutual need.

In choosing this card you are being asked to look at what links you together in the relationship with the person you now question. Examine what emotional need you desire by asking yourself, ‘What do I want from this person?’. The emotional need you identify is your point of contact. For instance, if you want acknowledgement then a simple rule of thumb is that the person you question is your healing partner and is learning about acknowledgement as well. This is a fundamental rule of interaction that whatever you want the other person also wants. Regardless of the form of the emotional need you are both fighting for the same energy, to receive or experience the same acknowledgement. If you want respect from a colleague then they too struggle with issues of respect. POCs can often highlight the dynamic of victim and perpetrator. Both individuals in this dynamic identify themselves as the victim and then see the other person as the perpetrator. For instance, a family member who disrespects your property also feels disrespected when you address them about their behaviour. They slam your front door, you snap and shout at them, they react with more shouting – both of you feel victimised in that victim/perpetrator dynamic. The emotional need here, the POC, is that you are both seeking acknowledgement of your boundaries around respect. The dynamic is played out until both of you learn what the boundaries of respect mean for each of you. The POC will remain in place until the emotional need is acknowledged and addressed.

POCs are a bit like glue affixing you to another person. You will remain attached through what you feel until you understand the point of the journey you share. If you believe you are a victim you can release the role of the victim and the energy (glue) that links you to this other person once you understand the journey between you. The acknowledgement that each of you is fulfilling a need within and for the other will unlink you. When you have learned the skills that you are being taught by this interaction, when you have rebuilt the emotional foundation that seeks connection to its core self, then you will naturally see the other person’s position. You may not agree with it but you will understand it sufficiently to release the point of contact. Only then will you grow beyond this POC and become free to form a new relationship with them or feel at peace about the relationship when it ends.

Other points of contact may highlight a theme between you both, calling you to overcome a challenge or solve a problem together. This takes a con-scious decision on both of your parts to see the situation for the opportunity it presents. This can be a project at work or a fundamental relationship issue. For instance, a couple that has a child with special needs (no matter whether they remain as a couple or separate) will share a joint journey of having a dependent child for life. How they work together to deal with the situation becomes their point of growth. Your journey together may last two weeks or a lifetime depending on circumstance and what each individual is learning or willing to learn from the situation. In the process of addressing these POCs you will jointly be presented with a variety of challenges such as having different values, different working styles, finances, friends, family, professional life and sexuality. Acceptance of this journey as a growth process that requires teamwork, dialogue, communication, etc. (regardless of how you feel towards this person) is your path to flow. The skills you learn can be applied to all areas of your life.

A key factor that you are addressing in any point of contact with another person is identity, refining the characteristics or attributes that define who you are. You polish and create who you are through the interactions in your relationships. You learn about yourself from your responses to and within the relationship. If you do not have a clear sense of self it is unlikely you will have a clear sense of what your own needs are. If so you may put other’s needs first, thinking it is the right thing to do. You think you are being flexible or that your needs do not count as much.

In the extreme your sense of self may come from what you do for others, feeding on the importance you feel in being needed (caregiver/cared for; victim/perpetrator; helpless/hero; etc.) As your needs go unmet over time you become the martyr and filled with resentment because you have not understood that your POC with the other person is based on your own emotional needs to grow beyond your current identity or role. Some people choose partners whose lives are filled with drama or problems in order to give themselves an identity of, for instance, ‘better than’, ‘saviour’ or ‘combatant in a war of wills’.

This card indicates that you have chosen your partner or colleague because your identity is diffuse and you have asked them to help you listen to your core self and rebuild your emotional foundation. There is no faster way of knowing who you are than when confronted by other people’s opinions and conduct. Learn what you need from your chosen partner and deepen your sense of self. In the end you will experience either a deeper connection in this relationship or you will know that it is now time to release this partner from your journey.