Let Go of Your Habit of Comparing Yourself to Others
Spirit is calling you to recognise that your journey – as imperfect as it is in your eyes – is beautiful and perfect in the eyes of Spirit because the journey is yours alone – and it’s your gift to you. You came here to deliver that gift.
We live and are motivated by our individual values, a set of qualities that are really important to us, qualities such as kindness or compassion, creativity, initiative, the ability to teach, financial success, and so on. In all areas of our life these values create the ruler by which we measure our success. The level to which our lives reflect our personal values is the level to which we feel successful – in the form of being more fulfilled, accomplished, aligned, passionate and in flow from Source.
You’ve chosen this card because you are currently measuring your success against what was important to your parents, teachers, community or other children at school. You are measuring your life based on a rating system that will never work in your favour because your life in comparison to others will never be adequate. You have come to the point where you are ready to decide for yourself what is really important in your life. When you compare yourself and feel unhappy with some aspect of your life, ask the question, ‘By whose values am I measuring myself; are these values mine or are they someone else’s?’ Are your values really exactly the same as your parents’ expectations of you? Do you really value the large car your neighbours drive, or the beautiful makeover and new dress your friend is enjoying, or the corporate job with travel and benefits you think you should already have? Do all these things motivate you enough to spend your life force on them? Understanding that your current unhappiness and stagnation are signs that you have been living by a ruler other than your own is a place to begin identifying what is most important to you. Let go of your desire to use other people’s lives as a way of measuring how well you are doing. It is a mistake to compare apples and oranges and think that they are the same fruit with the same flavour and goodness and will therefore give the same pleasure. Only a life gauged internally against a ruler of personalised values can ever achieve fulfilment.
It is time to set your own ruler for success.
The key to this card is in understanding two things:
- Learn what has true meaning for you enough to motivate you.
- Learn to see yourself as you really are.
The key misinterpretation we make about ourselves is that our problems are our weak spot and represent failure. However, spiritually your problems are the key to your strengths. Each challenge you face shows only the direction of your journey; that’s it, full stop. A challenge highlights the direction of the sunlight for you. For instance, if you haven’t managed to achieve your ideal weight or the shortfall in your bank balance is damaging your relationships, these areas you avoid thinking about or situations you run away from all point you to where you need to go. How you decide to look at this journey is your choice. Make it the powerful choice that your journey (with all its side tracks) is exactly as it was meant to be, encoded in your DNA like a puzzle to be pieced together. When you choose to embrace the challenges with a full-on commitment, you come to know what is important to you. Your journey is designed to help you access all the joy, strengths, and connection of love that you wish for. Stop judging the journey. Be the hero. Take the ride. Interactions with others make up the rich tapestry of our lives. Our natural tendency is to see our own reflection in other people but we view the reflection from a paradigm of comparison. Comparison with others distracts us from the purpose of our interactions. See every conversation with family, friends and colleagues as a form of storytelling, an exchange of energy where each person receives a gift. The gift may be that when you are triggered by other people’s success you learn to identify the parts of self that may be underdeveloped, missing, misunderstood, or areas of perceptions and skills that you need. If you open up fully to other people’s stories rather than shutting down because you feel inferior you will hear their story as inspiration and receive the gift they bring. No one can frighten you if you are open to the gift of knowledge (about yourself ) that your friend and colleague has highlighted. More importantly, if you compare yourself you miss out on knowing who you truly are and the value of the gift of being you. In the same way, the other person also needs to hear your real story as guidance and inspiration to help them open up to their full potential. In you they find the clue they need on how to handle a situation, how to move their business forward, how to connect, and so on. We are all meant to find out who we are, how to be ourselves, and we find this in each other. It’s the opposite of what we believe. Through others we are inspired to touch the core of our identity.
How many people can tell exactly the same story as you? The answer is none. Your story is normal to you but put in context of the various challenges you have met, your journey is that of a hero. Celebrate your unique journey with its challenges, achievements, loss and joy. Even the mistakes of your journey are powerful gifts. You may have tried with varying levels of success and (in your mind) failure at many jobs, hobbies, raising children, taking care of loved ones, dealing with the loss of loved ones, etc. How you aimed for your goals and dealt with all the situations that arose has a signature. The signature is your approach, your sense of humour, compassion, insights and skills, which are special to you, all flavoured with your past experiences. In other words, your signature is your value system. Explore your signature approach to life in order to become aware of the hero that is within you – a hero guided by your personal ruler and driven by your unique value system.
Rather than comparing others’ stories in a way that diminishes you or your sense of self, see how you make sense of their life and they make sense of yours. In this way you provide a context for each person to be the hero – living true to their core self. In a jigsaw puzzle every piece is required and every piece enhances the other pieces. See how you fit in the bigger picture of life, how other people inspire you and how you inspire them.
