People Pleasing- when being NICE is not “nice”

Don’t take this the wrong way, but being nice to others isn’t necessarily being NICE.  In fact, being nice might be toxic for you and/or the other person. People Pleasing is the most dangerous thing you can do for your health. Why? Because you stop walking down your own path and start walking down someone else’s!  Your life moves in a completely different direction. You take on their journey and live some else’s life and then you become faced with their problems. Flow stops as a result of not doing what is right for you.

Are you doing the following?

• You keep people happy
• Are seen as easy going
• Don’t create conflict
• Don’t take charge
• Can be passive
• Go along with the crowd
• Tip toe around others
• Don’t say what you want

The cost of people pleasing is saying ‘Yes’ when you want to say ‘No’

• You avoid pressure but create internal conflict
• Take responsibility for the other person’s experience.
• You are not heard
• Avoid judgement, but judge others secretly
• Don’t do things on your own terms
• Become the martyr
• Are resentful
• It’s never your choice
• You can’t control what you will experience

Do any of these classic behaviours associated with people pleasing sound like caring?

Does any of this behaviour stop bad things happening?

All the people you please are actively trained to believe that their needs are more important than yours. If you say yes to everyone else you won’t have time to say yes to yourself.

Externally driven senses mean you are more attuned to externals cues from others not the internal cues that can direct your life in powerful ways – you will miss your path and your purpose. When you say yes when you want to say  no, you take on the other person’s karma.

You are enough and you don’t need to unconsciously manipulate your environment so that you feel loved.

Stop being nice and be yourself, it’s the gift you give yourself and others.  How?  It’s all in the order of listening.

Listen openly, listen to yourself as a priority then listen to others.

Sigh… You can be yourself!

Lucille Henry PhD