Please Do Not Box Me In

Your Higher Self wants you to know it is now safe for you to commit to your dreams.

Ultimately commitment is an issue of identity. Your sense of self comes from the internal boundaries (the rules) you have set and live by. Whether you realise it or not, the way you live now fulfils the rules of your boundaries and who you believe yourself to be. You have plenty of rules of avoidance and safety, but no rules to define your dreams. A rule that defines your dream needs to exist and be included into your sense of self. Without any bound-aries/rules to define your dreams, your inner core will not be connected to them. Setting these boundaries/rules is the key aspect of commitment. Only then will you be able to make a commitment in awareness and hold to the commitment you have made. Only then will you find the motivation to create your deep desires.

In choosing this card your Higher Self is telling you that although you are fearful of making a commitment, the time has come for you to move beyond this fear. Until now you have created a false freedom by not fully committing to your hopes and dreams, and are missing out on creating and experiencing what is really important to you. The ability to commit is not based on whether this is the right person, the right time or the right job. Your ability to commit depends instead on you facing and releasing the fear lodged deep within your heart that you are not good enough. Commitment is felt in the joy of being able to say who you are and knowing you are all that you need to be. Celebrate that in choosing this card you are now ready to make choices to explore who you are without fear. Cross the line and commit.

There may be many reasons why you struggle with commitment. One reason may be that you abide by rules that were set in place long ago. In historic times people who made a commitment or gave a vow were linked forever – for life – to whomever they pledged their allegiance. Any allegiance to a king or leader kept one safe. Breaking that vow jeopardised one’s honour and one’s life. Options and choices were much more limited back then, yet today we still unconsciously carry these historic rules into our present lives. The result is we sometimes fear making commitments because we believe they are for life – ‘You made your bed now lie in it’.

In addition to the rules carried from history, contemporary life creates its own rules which challenge one’s ability to commit. Although today it is not life-threatening to change a vow and may just reflect a change in life circumstances, a modern rule for making a commitment or vow is a whole-hearted intention and a total dedication of your energy and resources to the area of your choice. Yet, today a wholehearted commitment becomes challenging in a society that is now more adaptive, where there are so many choices and where things change more quickly. You may fear getting boxed in, that if you make one commitment you will miss out on other experiences and limit your possibilities. Living into this fear, you hold off. Another contemporary challenge is that for some a commitment is a contract to self or others in which one is held responsible. This obligation can create a fear of being judged or controlled by others. This fear then limits a person’s ability to commit to what they want to create.

Whatever your reasons, your need to remain safe and free of your fear keeps you trapped inside a box of your own making – the very thing you are trying to avoid. Safely hidden inside this box you are unable to reach out or connect and therefore remain invisible or unaccountable to others. Making sure you are not accountable to others means you struggle to make choices or decisions. You have an inability to share your thoughts or feelings in rela-tionships. You are prone to procrastination – not doing or finishing jobs you have agreed to. In this state you never feel fully connected to those around you or your life and are always seeking something else. You might have one foot out of the box seeking the fulfilment of your dreams but even this is half-hearted. The price you pay for existing in your box is you feel isolated, unfulfilled and stifled.

To compensate for your fear of commitment you have created a life in which you are only semi-committed to what you want. These half measures occur because you lack awareness of your emotional needs and aspirational wants. You form semi-committed relationships based on unconscious agreements that meet your need for safety, financial security, being listened to, emotional backing, or acknowledgement at the expense of your dreams (and vice versa). Rather than accept full responsibility for your dreams, to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, write that screenplay, visit your grandparent’s native country, you see these dreams as the responsibility of the relationship, your partner or your job. You blame them for the lack of connection you feel towards your dream saying, ‘If only they would change, or the job was more interesting, if only I had more money, etc.’ You feel they lack a magic quality that opens the door of connection and fulfilment for you. The reality is you exist in your semi-committed or uncommitted state, holding yourself back in order to prevent forming the connection you seek. What you want is what you resist.

At the core of any fear of commitment is the fear that you are not good enough for the love you seek and the life you want. Your past experiences have taught you that love has a cost. Carefully protecting your heart you created a set of rules to guard you from these costs. These rules are based on low expectations – even no expectations – such as ‘Don’t expect to have the love you want because you will never get it.’ All of your energy is spent hiding these fears. Why bother committing when it is easier to give up rather than face ‘your reality’ – the feeling you don’t really believe you are going to get what you want? Better to just keep safe by making sure that you are never trapped, judged, controlled or obligated. You avoid these feelings by starting new jobs, new projects and new relationships, but without a wholehearted effort or the expectation of success. You live on the hope of your dreams rather committing to the actions for creating them. You are always in process without the full commitment of everything that you are. Based on these limitations it is a struggle to open your heart to receive what you want.

While your early experiences and rules stay hidden within your box you will remain vulnerable and will be unlikely to commit to anything that highlights these vulnerabilities. You will continue to protect your core feelings of fear and loss around making a mistake, abandonment, being disappointed, bored, judged, controlled or trapped. Letting these feelings from your past define you and determine your choices creates an infinite loop because you always go back to the place you started. You live into the fear that you can’t do it, are not up to it, or life won’t let you have what you want. Who told you that love exists in a limited supply or that you could only receive love if you were good enough? And do you really believe them now? Enough! It’s time to wake up, live in awareness to bring these old rules to light and change them.

It is now time to redefine the rules of safety and low expectations learned as a child from an adult perspective. See these rules in context of the whole life that you have lived, and recognise that you have created and you have achieved in some areas. For the areas on your dream list that are still left outstanding, it is time to connect and fully commit to what you want (the very thing you have been avoiding) and acknowledge that this aspect of self is important to you at your core. Whether you dream of having a committed and intimate relationship, having your own home or planting a beautiful garden, the key to making this change is to stop living as if you don’t really matter. You haven’t prioritised and connected to your desires, dreams and aspirations. Dreams are as important as your emotional needs and your emo-tional needs are as important as achieving your goals. Whatever is lacking in your life, recognise that it matters to you. When you do, your aspirations and dreams become a solid part of your sense of self. Your inner circle of responsibility is activated and from this place of connection you are able to live in the flow of creating what you want.

See every reason you have for not committing towards your dream as the key to your freedom. Each reason you have will help you find the boundary of your inner core. Once you are able to connect and set the new boundary of your true self you will be able to release your old rules (and feelings) and support the new rules stored within. Once established, nothing will break the new powerful connections within you. Each dream you connect to will have a fundamental value of importance (as important as safety). Your connection to this value will move your unmet aspirational want on your to-do list over to the done list.

Turn your dreams into reality. Rediscover each of your dreams and place them at the top of your list. Connect to self and to Source and then give these dreams your best shot. You are ready to let go of your half-hearted choices and commit fully to all that you are and all that you desire in your life right now. Release those aspects that you cannot commit to. Step out of the box of your own making. It is time. You are free to be yourself – to be all of who you are.