Learn to Say the Word ‘No’

Your Higher Self guides you to learn how to say ‘no’. Only then will you be able to fully and wholeheartedly connect to your core and bring flow to your life. In saying ‘no’ appropriately you are really saying ‘yes’ to life.

In choosing this card you have identified a part of yourself that has difficulty saying the word ‘no’. As a result your internal dial is always switched on to ‘yes’. This leaves you feeling depleted of energy, disconnected from Source, out of flow and unable to manifest what you value.

The struggle to say ‘no’ is usually caused by the meaning we give to the word. We hear the sound of loss in the word ‘no’ and it defines an empty space in the heart that will be confronted if we speak it aloud. The inability to say ‘no’ hides a fear of rejection, fear of commitment, of being trapped; a fear of limiting your choices, feeling empty, alone, frightened, anxious and worried about what someone will say, do or think about you. ‘No’ may mean guilt for you. You think, ‘This job, area, person, etc., is my responsibility and therefore I will feel guilty if I follow my heart and intuition.’ Maybe the fear of saying ‘no’ is a form of anticipation filled with the ‘What ifs’, ‘What exciting adventures will I miss out on if I say ‘no’?’

This anxiousness, fear of missing out, fear of rejection, of not wanting to appear stupid or lacking knowledge in the eyes of others is driven by your desire for acceptance and in that desire you lose contact with your inner core and its needs. When aspects of you become a ‘yes’ person, you lose contact with what you truly feel about a situation. You therefore cannot vocalise the ‘no’ at your core because you are no longer connected to it. With the ‘yes’ switch always turned on you create the experience of frustration at not being acknowledged or heard. You create the disconnection from the other person and yourself. In that lack of connection you feel empty. You misinterpret this emptiness as being caused by something or someone outside of yourself. The reality is that the ‘no’ you want or need to say has become distorted by saying ‘‘yes’ indirectly.

You can, however, learn to look at the dilemma of whether to say ‘no’ or ‘yes’ – and the emptiness you feel – in a different way. Any emptiness you feel defines an area within you that has not yet been developed and is there to highlight a boundary of your identity and self-image that has not been set within you. When you struggle to say ‘no’ you let others define you and shape your world. Your time and your resources (both internal and external) are all dictated by those to whom you cannot say ‘no’. Your parents, friends, family, children or job will mould your world to suit them as long as your automatic ‘yes’ is switched on.

You want to say ‘no’ but your fear acts like a dam blocking its release. Without the skill or inner muscle to vocalise this simple two-letter word, ‘no’ gets lodged in your throat. The energy of the ‘no’ living inside of you builds up. Emotions are used by the inner self to give you directions. When the pool of emotional energy built up from the inner core goes unacknowledged and remains unexpressed it has no flow. The automatic ‘yes’ then leaves you spread too thinly and you run out of energy. You are unable to conserve your time or your emotional resources because you’ve got to be everything for everybody.

And so you create the lessons you experience by not listening to yourself and not expressing what you really want to say: you block flow by not saying ‘no’. The build-up of the powerful energy of ‘no’ within you spills out; it gets released indirectly as an emotional manipulation. There are many ways to express and release the energy of ‘no’ without using your voice. ‘No’ is conveyed through withdrawal, the use of guilt, anger and resentment, shaming others or sulking. This creates confusion for those around you as you are giving mixed signals. Even when you say ‘yes’ you are still reluctant, resentful and worried or not fully committed to what you have agreed to. Others around you will feel or see this energy of ‘no,’ the ‘yes, but …’ in your behaviour – and they may experience it as anger. You also feel angry with yourself if you have not clearly said ‘yes’ or ‘no’, or if you refuse to make a decisive choice. The person who you are interacting with – even yourself – will not be clear about your boundaries. They and you will not be able to respect those boundaries because they are not set at all or you’re ignoring them by not clearly saying what you want.

We use our self-image and identity as a way of measuring the world around us. If you don’t know what matters most to you, you will have no clearly defined core values by which to measure your world against and you will be unable to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. A definitive ‘yes’ or ‘no’ is an appropriate expression of and an ability to express from your core values. Being able to say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ is a key tool for setting the boundaries of your identity.

‘No’ is one of the most powerful words we can use. It is a positive word full of the potential for freedom. When you embrace the word ‘no’ you embrace yourself and your dreams. You give yourself choice and the ability to maintain your health, balance and emotional well-being. You can say ‘no’ to food and drink that may not be good for you. You can say ‘no’ when others ask you to assist them with different projects if the commitment of time will compromise your health, emotional and financial well-being, and so on. The number of ‘no’s’ we say helps clarify a picture of ourselves and this information in turn helps us interact with our world efficiently. You respect and honour yourself and in return are respected by others. Saying ‘no’ effectively from your core creates the safety for you to open your heart and love because you can protect yourself. Through the word ‘no’ you can state what is acceptable to you in a relationship and in this way your heart knows it is safe to connect. Saying ‘no’ does not leave a residue of guilt. In fact, when you say ‘no’ to others you open up all possibilities and opportunities that would not exist if, in your desire to please, you had said ‘yes’. In using the word ‘no’ you define yourself to others. When we let people know who we are we have real and satisfying relationships with them and the world around us. Knowing how to use the power of saying ‘no’ appropriately will enable you to use the power of ‘yes’ effectively through aligning with your core.

The journey of life is one of discovery. In the words of Shakespeare, ‘To thine own self be true.’ You are learning who you are, learning to define yourself through using the muscle and practice of saying ‘no’; you are becoming your own person. By being true to yourself you turn the auto-matic ‘yes’ switch to the off position and conserve your energy. Through the use of ‘no’ you will direct your energy and your emotional resources to where you want to go. Your inner core becomes your Source to restore flow. ‘No’ is the key to realising your full potential on this very human journey.

Each day practice saying ‘no’ aloud. Say it in joy. Learn to say ‘no’ and in doing so, you say ‘yes’ to life. Your life will be one of freedom. This is the freedom to choose who you want to be.